Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens with
Conduct Disorders 

When "Popping-off" becomes "Out-of-Control Behavior"

Boarding schools for troubled teens exist to do what parents cannot.  There comes a time when conduct disorders progress beyond a point where a parent can bring about change.  They become chronic.  However, the bigger problem is recognizing when parents have passed the point and outside intervention is needed.  As far as adolescent behavior is concerned, telling the difference between a teenage boy who has "a snotty personality" and a teenage boy who is "suffering with a conduct disorder" is a matter of degree and time.

How to tell the difference

How can you tell if your teen son's behavior is a serious problem or just normal teenage rebellion? We'd all like to think it is just a phase because believing that makes everything seem so much easier. Time tells all. Over the short term, we know that teenagers have less success at controlling tempers than adults. Boarding schools for troubled teens see this kind of problem frequently and can help you tell the difference. 

It isn't uncommon for parents to find themselves in arguments with teenagers because teenage patience and understanding does not have the depth of experience that adults have.  All children demand to get their own way some of the time and are not terribly fond of following all rules all the time.  The difference between that as a normal behavior and those actions being part of conduct disorders come from their frequency and regularity over time.  If you have come to realize that virtually everything you say gets you dragged into another argument your swore you wouldn't have, the behavior, and your ability to cope with it, has probably already crossed the line.

The difference is when persistent negative behavior, lasting over six months, moves beyond the realm of "just being a teenager" and is a sign that something more serious is underlying the behavior.  It is not normal behavior to persist in so much negative behavior on a regular basis and go on for six months or more. 

Parents have to come to the realization that not even Dr. Phil would attempt to go it alone when the odds are so stacked against him.  There comes a time when external intervention becomes required for the good of the overall healthiness of a teenager and progress into adult life.  Bad behaviors need to be removed and replaced with more positive approaches and strategies.  The fact is, many of us never learned those attributes alone. 

One of the most important questions that parents must consider is to examine how much distress, disruption, heartache, and pain the teenager is causing and how are the behaviors affecting the family—sibling relationships, strain on the marriage, and the well-being of the child himself?

If you look at your situation now, with the thought in mind about the duration and intensity of the behavior, then these are some of the disrupting warning signs you should recognize:

• Inability to hold his temper

Teenagers can be hot-headed, but are you witnessing temper outbursts that are inappropriate?

• Engaging adults in arguments

Even to the adolescent, it is abnormal not to ever see that others have a point of view or that experience can play a part in a disagreement.

• Refusal to follow rules

It is abnormal for children to refuse to follow all rules and to disregard boundaries set by parents.

• Being annoying to other people

A teenager who seems to enjoy being an annoyance is not experiencing a normal teenage behavior.

• Casting blame on others for his own mistakes and poor behavior

Externalizing blame and failure to take responsibility for behavior and mistakes is an attribute that normally disappears with the onset of the teenage years.  When it continues, something in the personality is not developing properly.

• Selfish or self-centered reactions

Touchiness, easily angered or annoyed, resentful, spiteful, unreasonable, and vindictive can in no way be considered normal behavior.  Yes, it is true, that almost all parents see this from time to time with almost all teenagers but persistence in this behavior is definitely a personality defect that can only get worse.  With the lack of behavioral filters to choke-off such behavior, something is not properly developing in the personality.

• Deceit, lying

Again and again, if you have asked yourself, "What is the point?" when your teenage son deceives you and you both know that you know it.  Even though you are used to it, you have to admit to yourself this is not normal behavior.

• Destruction

"Everything I own is broken."  "No matter what lock I put on things to protect them, first the lock is broken and then everything else."  Endlessly frustrating, is it a matter of economics that it continues rather than seeking help to stop it?  Again, there is nothing normal about intentional destruction.

The presence of these behaviors over time will indicate that there is often an underlying problem existing.  Common underlying problems, discussed in detail elsewhere on this website, include:  Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Attention Deficit (and Hyperactivity) Disorder (ADD/ADHD), and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  Even more pervasive, and sometimes harder to spot are drug and alcohol issues.  Teens get very, very good at hiding these problems.

When it comes to conduct disorders, parents like to think that these behaviors are a normal part of being a teenager and will turn a blind-eye to the behavior.  That is easy to do but it can become an excuse for not taking action when it persists.  Remedial action is indicated when the behavior stretches into the months.  Becoming unbending in your discipline is no more a solution than ignoring the behavior.  Often, only an outsider can help you see alternatives.

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